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Is a Calorie a Calorie?

April 5, 2012

You’ve whipped yourself into a wholehearted weight loss frenzy – exercised an hour every day, cut calories until you were ravenous (and homicidal) and used every psych trick in your book – and you haven’t’ lost and ounce, or maybe that’s all you DID lose. You’re going to have a meltdown if someone waves another celery stick in front of you. You start thinking maybe you are sleep-eating in the middle of the night (yes – people actually do that).

Crowded by the competition? Request an RCW

March 6, 2012

Law reviewed: Revised Code of Washington, Title 18

Are you one of those industries who are feeling crowded by the number of competing businesses? Or maybe you are a professional bemoaning the fact that every wet behind the ears college graduate has a Bachelor’s or Master’s degree in your occupation and the surge of entrants is likely to depress your wages and benefits. Don’t worry—our legislature can fix that.

When teenagers attack

February 22, 2012

So, what do you do when your kid takes a chunk out of his father’s finger, then kicks him in the crotch because Pa had the audacity to take Junior’s iPod as punishment for disobedience?
Why, you jump pell-mell into the fray and punch your husband in the face because “he’s being too strict.”
Or at least that’s the reasoning for a 44-year old mother who was arrested after helping her 13-year-old son assault his dad.
Heel boy! Down girl! And no, I’m not talking to the family dogs.

Do you know your state otologist?

February 7, 2012

This article is #21 in the Citizen Jane series.

Law reviewed: RCW 70, Public Health and Safety

Online News Editor

Do you know who the Washington State otologist is? No? Well apparently neither does anyone else because this position, created by the legislature in 1945 and affirmed as a needed position in 1991, has never been held by a living person.

Random Ramblings

January 31, 2012

Jennifer Aniston must have a new movie out. I only say this be¬cause she is on the cover of yet another magazine, naked (or one spaghetti strap away from being so). I’m not judging her on this, just pointing out her unique superpowers.

A thyroid disease epidemic

January 31, 2012

We are having a thyroid disease epidemic and the experts can’t figure out why.
In the last two years, more people than ever are coming into my clinic and telling me that they, and even their pets, have thyroid disease.
Your thyroid regulates your metabolism so that you don’t get fat for no reason. It uses iodine to manufacture thyroid hor¬mones that your entire body depends on. It cleans your blood. It works with your pituitary gland to regulate blood pressure, fluids, temperature and emotions.

Stop the idiocy: demand legislative restraint

January 28, 2012

S-E Staff Reporter

The following is article 20 in the Citizen Jane series featured in the Statesman-Examiner.

Here are a few interesting statistics for you: Washington State, a state since 1889, used to have all its laws in one book. The first state Legislature created laws to address state expenditure, state prisons, juvenile detention, prison industries, schools and taxes. All of this neatly fit into a portable, lightweight tome.

Sophie's Choice: It’s a marriage, not a ‘grab-fest’

January 25, 2012

Since when did weddings become akin to highway robbery? Seriously, it’s like instead of a dashing, dangerous rogue in pantaloons and a pistol demanding your ducats, it’s a bride with a serious case of the furies and a fondness for taffeta “lovingly” guilt tripping you into the forking over of material excess. See that guy nervously keeping watch behind her in the coat and tails with the slightly dopey grin on his face? That’s the groom.

JoPa as a classic Greek tragedy

January 25, 2012

‘Success without honor is an unseasoned dish…it will satisfy your hunger, but it won’t taste good.’

--Joe Paterno (1973)

Joe Paterno spent the final days of a headline inspiring life battling cancer and his critics.
His rich life, without the aid and comfort of a Bucket List (he was a coach, plain and simple—and for a lifetime), has of late become the grist for criticism and more than a little food for thought.
Yes, success without honor can be an unseasoned dish…now where did I misplace that honor and good judgment?

Sophie's Choice: #&$! happens

January 18, 2012

I am #@&!
I realize that this is a community newspaper, so put this column down and go watch wholesome prime time television, kiddies, but I can think of no other phrase to voice my displeasure for having stepped in dog feces that some insensitive pet owner left in front of my gate AGAIN!
Go ahead, laugh. It was funny the first time. The fifth time has lost its charm.
True, the word I wanted to use here is an inaccurate figurative expression of the bodily function that actually occurred, but it is less volatile than other four-letter words we can all think of at the moment.

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