Sophie's Choice:Madcap musings & amusements
Proof that it really is the little things in life: That magical moment when you are cleaning out your car, thinking how nice a snack would be at that moment, when all of a sudden, "Hey, is that gator jerky under the passenger seat?"Trust in providence and it shall provide! Lessons learned the hard way: It turns out The Lonely Goatherd from The Sound of Music is not a sexy song to spontaneously sing in public. Especially the "Lay ee odl lay ee odl lay hee ho" part. People tend to think you are a non-English speaker with Tourette syndrome, or that you are in need of a Riccola. So I have a bit of a Napoleon complex: Though I am almost 30-years-old, I still take girlish delight in putting on a pair of high heels and becoming a few inches taller. Suddenly, I can see the top of my refrigerator! Hey, there's that birthday card I meant to send to my great Aunt! Ah, the air up here is nice! Never fear, I am near: You know those Facebook promos for the Guess-Who's-Stalking you apps? Just to clear the air and ease everyone's minds to avoid any awkwardness, rest assured, I am totally stalking you. Yep, I will be climbing through your collective Facebook windows in the middle of the figurative night and snatching you right up. See? All better. So pale, I’m almost invisible: I am always amused with those moments where people act on their impulse to comment on my paleness, e.g. "Wow, you’re really white!" I know this. It's not as if my parents had to sit me down at a tender age and explain what they couldn't tell me earlier, because they know I love rap music and Vietnamese food and didn't want to break my heart by revealing to me that I am indeed a “whiter shade of pale" and would turn the color of a Maine lobster if left out in the sun too long. The only time you have to be concerned about my whiteness is if I'm sneaking up on you in a snow storm, but then, it will be too late for you any¬way. Can we stop with the sterotypes already? (I realize that is a very tall order, but hey…)I am not an Ann Coulter fan, but to say that she is the spokesperson for the Right makes just about as much sense as someone claiming Tommy Chong is the spokesperson for the Left. One of my best friends is a conservative Republican, and she would no more say that Coulter represents her than she would vote for Lady Gaga.To those who have taken the time to read through this, I dig com¬ments, criticism, or any excuse that allows me to check my email. So if you would like to vent or share, please send questions and whatnot to Sophia@statesmanexaminer.com.